Ode to Sugar

Sugar, thy sweetness upon my lips.
Thou art my seductress, my vixen.
ya... that's all I've got... I'm not much of a poet...


(Sugaraholics Anonymus)
Hi, my name is Alicia.

"Hi Alicia"

It's been 16 hours since I last had sugar.  Probably the longest I've ever gone ;)

I've been addicted to sugar since before I can remember.  You might say that sugar doesn't count as an addiction, but (one of the many) definitions of addiction is: "Impaired control over substances or behavior, preoccupation with substance or behavior, continued use despite consequences, and denial."

Sugar isn't good for you.  I know this.  High intake can lead to becoming overweight and/or getting diabetes.  There are no nutrients in sugar.  I don't need to eat sugar...  But still I consume it...  In unreasonably high quantities...

I remember every Halloween, when I would decide to save some of this candy for later...  but then... eating it all, and not feeling even a little sick, just full of energy... and FREE!!!

Then spotting my sister's saved candy a month later and wondering HOW!?!?!  Admiring her for her self control, and hating myself for the lack of it.  Fighting with myself over stealing some, and eventually, disgustingly, giving in and stealing some, and eating it in my room amid battling feelings of regret, disgust, and NEED!

Sneaking the ice cream out of the freezer and bringing it into the BATHROOM (gross!) to eat it, so my parents wouldn't catch me.  Telling myself, just a little more, and I'll put it back... but now it looks different on top... I better even it out... don't want to get caught... and end up eating half the carton...

The cake on top of the fridge... (I think it had a clown on it)  I repeatedly dug my finger into the icing every time I passed...  I knew I shouldn't... I tried to resist... Tried so hard...  Sometimes I would be able to hold back and not take any...  sometimes only a little, but other times I would lose all control... and eventually... when the destruction was discovered, everyone was disappointed at the destroyed cake.  I felt so guilty, so disappointed in myself, but another part of me was disappointed that it wouldn't be on top of the fridge so I would no longer get a regular fix.  The self disgust!
(My dad is reading this and thinking... It took her THIS long to tell the truth about that cake?  We've always known it was her...) (The sad thing is, just writing this makes me want to go out and buy a thing of cream cheese frosting and eat it all in one sitting...  I'll tell you what, it's a good thing I exercise...)

Apple pie, right?  Fruit...  is good for breakfast... Apple pie has fruit...

Brownies... have cocoa... which contains both iron and antioxidants... and grain... there is flour in brownies... there is flour in toast... which is good for breakfast... so ... brownies for breakfast!!

Ah... the justifications...

I've tried to quit so many times.

But it has never even lasted a day.

The last few years I've just accepted it, I've stopped fighting.



Then I watched this:
http://geneticroulettemovie.com/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZVRrbyGtos

Unlike Food, Inc. (which made me just want to stop eating all food, or give up the fight), this documentary actually left me with a positive attitude towards my ability to *eventually* avoid GMOs.

This has helped me with my sugar problem.

I've decided to start out by *trying* to avoid GMO corn, for the sake of posterity.  Luckily I don't have any personal digestive issues (crazy right?  after that colon abuse you'd think I'd have them all).  Corn isn't very nutritional anyway, so I won't be missing out on anything.

It is surprising the amount of trash you eliminate from your diet when you're trying to avoid the BT toxin.

TONS of packaged foods have, mainly, corn syrup.  This is what has helped me.  I tell myself I can have sugar, as long as it is cane or beet sugar (which, I swear, isn't in ANYTHING anymore).  So it has helped me make better decisions.  Instead of the Caramello (or orange sticks), I choose dark chocolate with almond pieces, made with cane sugar, which I typically am able to eat with much more moderation.  It's pretty sad, I love carmel with chocolate, but I have yet to find a "Caramello" type treat that doesn't have corn syrup...  So... If you find one... tell me!!  (not that it will help my sugar addiction, but seriously, tell me).

I've still been cheating.  When I eat a treat at someones house, I'm not going to ask them if it contains corn...  and just choosing not to eat it...  HA... seriously... not going to happen

Luckily I've never fallen into a soda addiction, otherwise this corn avoidance would be ssssoooo much more painful.  Weird right?  I have this severe sugar issue, but have somehow avoided a caffeine problem.