Cooking with tofu (aka, some yummy vegetarian porcupine 'meat'balls)

When we first started going vegetarian, I think TOFU was the most stressful thing about it.  I tried cooking the little cubes, and they turned out so spongy and bland.  I would try making things like 'meat'loaf and 'meat'balls, and they would turn into an all-day-affair.

Last night we threw these (and the spaghetti) together in about 30 minutes.  James made the spaghetti, set the table, and washed dishes - he's awesome like that - he also took the photo (coming soon lol).

You know how your grandma makes things... just randomly dumping things into a bowl and coming up with a masterpiece?  A somewhat lack of measuring and more intuition-based?  I kinda do the same thing, except I have to do my research.  I go online and look up a bunch of the same kinds of recipes, compile their similarities, and then do my own thing.  That is what this recipe will look like.  Sorry in advance.

When I'm making 'meat' dishes with tofu there are a few basic staples that I like to use.

• Usually you want to use firm or extra-firm tofu for these types of dishes (I work with the 14oz, GMO-free block that you can find almost everywhere).  Drained and pressed.
• A medium white or yellow onion, fully mulched by our tiny food processor. (I prefer the texture that comes with a whole fresh onion - it sounds like a lot, but don't worry, you need the whole thing).
• A binder (usually that means an egg - sorry vegans, do you have a better idea?)
• Something to thicken it up (I prefer breadcrumbs)
• Spices (plenty, like double what you would usually use for a meat dish)

Other things that I like to put in depending on the dish (or if I have them):

• MUSHROOMS - I love mushrooms.  Break them into smallish pieces.
• Grated carrots or small pieces of celery - adds texture and taste (you can saute them first if you really want to work extra hard, might as well throw in the onion and mushrooms while you're at it...)
• Uncooked instant rice
• Quick-oats (a good thickener for the gluten-intolerant - obviously you have to use gluten free oats if that is your reason)
• A clove (or two) of fresh garlic

And now, what you've all been waiting for:

Porcupine 'Meat'balls 'Recipe'

Ingredients:

• 1 14oz block firm or extra firm tofu
• 1 medium white onion
• Spices (in this case, they were to go with spaghetti, so I leaned toward Italian spices).
• Salt/Pepper
• Parsley
• Basil
• Garlic Powder
• Worcestershire sauce
• Thyme
• Oregano
• 1 egg
• 2/3 C. uncooked instant rice
• aprx.  1 1/2 C. italian flavored breadcrumbs

Steps

1. Start the tofu draining/pressing.  This is pretty fun.  Build a really precarious tower.  Mine (from the counter up) usually goes: A plate (to catch the mess), the upside-down tofu container (as something for the liquid to drain down), the block of tofu, another plate (to distribute the weight), and a couple random cans of food (for weight).
2. Peel and cut the top and bottom off of your onion.  Chop it into smaller pieces so it fits into your food processor.  Destroy it in your food processor (usually I end up with a liquidy pulp).  Put it in a bowl.
3. Add your spices to the onion, if you're used to cooking with meat, add more spices.
4. Get your tofu (you should have at least a 1/4 c. of liquid on the bottom plate by now).  Carefully squeeze it a little more (it will start falling apart).  Put it in with your onion and spices and mix it (I use my hands).  Taste it - go ahead, it's perfectly safe - no e-coli in these meatballs.  Add more spices if needed (bland is not going to be fixed, you want it highly tasty at this point - probably even a little stronger than you prefer).
5. Add the egg and rice.  Mix in the breadcrumbs 1/2 cup at a time until you can form balls that hold their shape well.
6. Heat a little olive oil on MEDIUM heat, and drop them in, turning as each side gets brown.  It made about 20 for me.  We only cooked 8 (4 each was plenty when combined with spaghetti), I formed the rest into balls and put them in the freezer.

A dream, part 1

This is mainly for Krista.  She likes hearing about and sharing dreams.

I spent yesterday slacking off watching the first season of The Walking Dead, so of course my dreams were going to be trippy.

At 4am I woke up and decided I'd had enough of terrifying zombie dreams, so I deliriously opened the scriptures on my tablet.  I meant to go to the New Testament, but somehow ended up in the Pearl of Great Price, and this scripture floated around my dream memory for the next couple hours of sleep.  And also zombies.

10 And it came to pass that it was for the space of many hours before Moses did again receive his natural strength like unto man; and he said unto himself: Now, for this cause I know that man is nothing, which thing I have never supposed.


Part 1

I woke up, not quite sure where I was.  That feeling that you don’t remember going to bed here.  Yet, upon reflection, this IS my bed, it’s only logical that I went to sleep here.

James was next to me.

I needed to find the boat.

We need the boat.

Walking outside, I’m happy it’s light outside.  The heat of the sun sinks to my core, helping to dispel some of the chill.  It is late fall, and the frost has settled everywhere.

I was looking for something.

The boat.  It will be down by the river.

James walks with me to the river.  We’re almost ready, soon we’ll escape.

Hand in hand we pick our way along the frosty muddy riverbank.  I’m looking for something.

The boat.  No. Wait.

Something else.  We need the boat.

No.  Right there, just outside conscious thought… I’m looking for something else…

The boat isn’t where it’s supposed to be.  James is very upset.  Somehow I know we’ll get to it, it’s just a little further…

I urge James further.  I lie.  It probably just got unhooked and floated a little downstream.  I push a branch away from my face.  I know it’s a lie, but I need to keep looking.  What am I looking for?

I stumble and my foot slips, cracking the ice, sliding into the frigid water.  James catches me before anything else gets soaked.  He tries to convince me that we need to go back now, it’s getting to be about noon, but I just keep going forward.

My eyes scan the water.  Something. Something. What am I looking for?

James asks me a question.  I don’t know.  I don’t know what I’m looking for.

He stops me.  “Where is your ring?”  I don’t understand.   What ring?  “Your engagement ring.”  Looking down I suddenly realize I’m not wearing my ring. 

Have I been here before? 

Where is my ring?  I never take it off.  How could it be gone?  I stare at my hand in disbelief, trying to remember the last time I distinctly remember it being on my finger.

I look at James… I can’t remember.  Where is it? When did I take it off?  This feels important.  Why can’t I remember?  I don’t lose things.  I really don’t forget very often either… especially something as important as my ring.  It’s been on my finger for 7 years.  Where did it go?

Continuing to walk forward, I think.

I remember yesterday.  I think.   It was warmer.  I went on a boat ride by myself.  Wait.  By myself?  That doesn’t seem right… we’re supposed to stick together… why would I go off by myself?

Where is the boat?

Inside I scream.  Why can’t I remember?  I’ve never done drugs, but movies have portrayed this feeling.  This realization that you lost time, you don’t know how long you lost, or what you did.  Did I get drugged?

James stops me and points something out.  What?

He is pointing a corpse.  Strange.  There are so many corpses everywhere now, we mostly ignore them.

But he’s right, there is something strange about this one.

The river is calmer and wider here, and so clear.  At what seems the deepest point, there is a corpse of a brunette girl.  Face down in the muddy lake bed, her brown hair swirls lazily with the undercurrents.  Half buried in sediment, wearing jeans and a tee.  She has probably been down there a while.  Lucky her. 

Up here the dead get torn apart and eaten.

Maybe that’s what’s strange.  She’s intact, we haven’t seen an intact corpse in a while.  Wait.  Don’t corpses usually float in the water?

James observes that she isn’t bloated like most corpses, more like shriveled.  The extremely cold water of the river must have kept her gut bacteria from reproducing and bloating her.

Still, she entrances us.  I want to pull her up.  Examine her more closely, but there is really no way to do so.  It is much too cold to expose a person to those waters.  She is also far too deep for any clumsy attempts at knocking her loose with a rod.

A little further on we spot our canoe turned over on the far bank.  Definitely looking worse for wear.  Neither of us understand how it could have gotten so trashed in the short distance it had drifted downstream.

The days are shorter now.

Realizing how late it already is, we start back, boatless.  No way to cross the river today, we’ll have to work that out tomorrow.

The quickly gathering dusk gives us new speed, and we no longer follow the river.  Cutting through the sparse woods, we attempt to shorten our journey home.


To be continued... (no promises)