Stumble

This person who I have made, who everyone thinks I am.  This person who I have dedicated so much time, money, and effort into creating...  I'm realizing I'm not that person.  I'm worried for the first time in a long time about disappointing people, and I feel like a failure for even thinking about giving up on this path...



I never EVER saw myself going to graduate school.

As a first generation graduate, even graduating with a Bachelors degree was something that was potentially “out there.”  The original goal was maybe an Associates degree.

Now, by following the path I put my feet on, being incredibly stubborn, having a lot of support from those who love me, and having many blessings come my way, I have found myself not just in graduate school, but with even a small scholarship to help out with the cost.

But I feel lost.  Empty.

I’ve always been a firm believer that you make your own happiness.  You’ll never be happy if you’re constantly looking back or forward to a time of potential happiness.  Have goals, but live in the now.  Decide to be happy, and you will be.  It’s worked for me in the past…  But maybe my goals just need to change.

My psychologist recommended that I look at a list of Masters degrees and decide if that's really the Masters program I want to be in...  That was the first time I even considered that not becoming an accountant was even an option at this point.

I never EVER saw myself going to graduate school.  I never thought I was good enough or smart enough or connected enough or had enough money to ever even think about graduate school.  I never even thought I was smart enough to get a Bachelors degree.

If it weren’t for accounting, if I didn’t need this to qualify, I wouldn’t be here (despite my love of school).  

So... what do I want to be when I grow up?